Self reflection seems to be running rampant in me lately.
This frame of mind typically is associated with mad bouts of self-doubt, but I’ve been grateful for the lack of that aspect so far. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever been so sure of my current trajectory in life as I am right now.
It’s a good feeling. 🙂
That’s not to say that everything is falling into place and that everything is perfect. But I can’t honestly say that it’s “far from it” anymore. For the first time (maybe ever) I definitely feel like I’m heading in the right direction now. That I’m on a path that is completely and emphatically “me”.
But why now? I’m not really sure. Mel and I have been talking about this a lot this lately and we lamented how this change in both of our lives is simply an act of finally listening to what our hearts have been saying for a long, long time.
It was only a matter of stopping and listening. Truly listening. Letting it all sink in. I guess I’m either gaining some kind of wisdom in my old age or I’m just too damn punch drunk to ignore it anymore.
My guess is that it’s a nice combo of both.
All I know is that I’m seeing things a lot clearer now. I’m learning to let go. I’m learning that floating amongst everything is so much more worthwhile than anchoring myself against a current that could honestly care less about me and my supposed need to “keep it real”.
I still have my hang ups and I still get bothered by really stupid things. But, those speed bumps are getting more and more infrequent. I’m tired of keeping my head down and resisting so much. Exhausted really. It’s not that what I was resisting has won, it’s just that the fight is no longer important. I doubt it ever was. Life is meant to be experienced and that act can’t involve standing still.
So, I’m not folding, I’m evolving.
I’m embracing movement, and I gotta be honest, I’m enjoying putting some miles between the present and what was the past.