That light at the end of the tunnel…
I used think it was train. But that was back in my “glass half-empty” days. No, this light shows promise. A promise of something better than the here and now, not that the here is so terrible, or the now really. It’s just that when you’re not happy with your life situation like Mel and I currently are, everything seems worse than it actually is. Most folks would be happy with where we are at and chide us for not being ecstatic about it.
But we’re not. And no, I don’t mean we’re unhappy with each other, our marriage, or anything having to do with “us”. That’s about the one thing we’ve always done incredibly well :D! That’s forever. What I’m talking about is the life we’ve lived and how we’ve effected the world around us.
Most of the unhappiness stems from mistakes that were our own making. Like, say for instance, buying a home in a part of the state (a state that we LOVE by the way) that we could really care less for. It will probably be the best investment that we’ve ever made, but we’re pretty sad here living in suburbia. We used to think that that is where we needed to be. We were sadly mistaken.
“Ok, so you hate it there. Why not move?”
Good question, and a fair one at that. When we moved down here we created a tidy amount of debt. I didn’t get a job for a while and when our savings petered out we had to eat on the credit cards. It wasn’t for very long, but it was long enough to dig a hole that we couldn’t crawl out of in our typical speedy fashion. Then we bought a house with all the best intentions, and, as I’m sure you imagined, that hole got deeper. It wasn’t until a few years later that we realized we were heading in the complete opposite direction from where our hearts wanted and needed us to be.
We’re definitely back on track, but the damage is already done. It’s a riot really. Currently, combined, we are making the most money we’ve ever made. And yet we’ve financially hog-tied ourselves into living a life that resembles something much less prosperous. We’re finally getting it under control but man are there ups and downs. The tricky part has been to NOT anesthetize the depressing times with more consumerism. We’ve learned, long and hard, that that practice only brings on more of the worst. Though it does feel just awesome for a little while doesn’t it ;)? Seriously for about a year or three, we dealt with our seemingly hopeless situation by essentially ignoring it. Or, at least ignoring the answer.
The point is this, the sheer amount of times your heart will beat, are minute in the grand scheme of things. Our lifetime is just a drop in the bucket. So why should you spend this comparatively brief existence not doing what makes you happy? And I’m not talking about the kind of happiness that ice cream, a nice gift, money or a fancy car can bring you. I’m talking about those moments that contain gravity and inertia. The kind of moments that move you, both emotionally and physically. The kind of moments that push you into motion, but also cause you to stop and sit still. When you do find those moments, you know, the ones that don’t leave you when you wake up the next day, week, month or year, definitely hold on to them tightly. Because they are trying to tell you something, and, chances are, it’s something important.
It took a lot of fumbling through our day to day to realize that Mel and I weren’t happy for a reason. We’ve duped ourselves into so many situations that we we’ve become the masters of “mp3 therapy” “shopping therapy” “computer gadget therapy” or… well, you get the idea. We’ve learned that there are thousands of ways to make ourselves happy, ecstatic even, but only for short bursts of time. But that those moments are fleeting and, if you’re not careful, they can amount to the grande sum of your entire life.
For some, that is truly enough, but I’d bet for most it isn’t. So what we did, is we took a look deep down inside each other and took hold of those little glimmers that stayed with us for a while or forever up until now. We put them together, added a dash of hope, a pinch of serendipity, a spoonful ambition and a heaping cup of chance.
We now have a plan. We now see that light at the end of the tunnel.
And for the first time ever, we absolutely know it isn’t a train.